Word to the wise: before you travel anywhere make sure you get your visa correct. Check everything a dozen times and get it all in place before you go there. This will save you from a lot of inevitable pain.
You’d think after so long on the road we’d be good at this! But alas, I write this as I’m stuck in the torture chamber that is the Visa Extension Department in Colombo, Sri Lanka.
Today is in fact our second visit to this office because the first time we were told we had arrived too late to process the extension; we had arrived three hours before the office closed!
That should have been fair warning for what was to come.
The Visa Department
The visa department in Colombo is a miserable place. It had that stony silence that you get in soulless offices and the staff had the same demeanour of those in a call centre, trying to be polite to people who shout at them all day.
But it goes way beyond that. This story is about how something that should taken 30 minutes turned into a six hour nightmare.
Here’s how it went down.
1: Finding the place - “Visa Department: section C”
If you find yourself in the same unfortunate predicament as us (and we sincerely hope that you don’t), here’s what to expect from the visa extension office, for everyone else get ready to have a laugh at our expense!
The ordeal starts with a 10km journey from the city, not so bad you might think, but the traffic is so bad in Colombo that said journey took a full hour.
Eventually we reached a miserable looking building with no signs and no information.
To find the Visa Department you go through the main door, cross the room, cross a street, enter another door, turn left, take the lift on the right side of the building up to level 4 then, turn right to section C and you’re there.
Time wasted so far: 1 hour
Sigiriya, one of Sri Lanka’s most beloved heritage sites
2: Token time
I was feeling good. I’d found the right place, but it was only afterwards that I realised that was the easy part.
Once through the rabbit warren, I arrived at the Token Counter where unnecessary employees number 1, 2 & 3 are stationed. Three people work at this spot simply to print a ticket and hand it to you.
It’s a receipt printing desk that dishes you out a number like you’re visiting the fish counter in a supermarket in the 1980s.
You then sit down in waiting room number 1 waiting for when you hear your number called, like a really bad game of bingo.
Time wasted: 1 hour 5 minutes
3: The Token Calling Counter
In the Visa Department, management determined that printing a ticket required three members of staff and a separate team to work on “the token calling counter” - say hello to unnecessary employee number 4.
The token caller makes the token printing team look like senior management. It appears that their job is essentially to make you sit for an hour, then tell you that you’re in the wrong room. This isn’t me complaining, we watched every person go through the same routine.
Eventually we got the call and went round the corner to another waiting room.
Time wasted so far: 2 hours 5 minutes
Nine Arch Bridge at sunrise
4. The visa application centre aka Section B
Two hours down and essentially we’ve sat in two waiting rooms and spoken to no one. And they say that travel is glamorous!
Section B is slightly more depressing than Section C (no one knows what happens in section A), primarily because you can see your tormentors through glass doors. Some people looked like they were having animated conversations, others just looked plain miserable.
There was a room at the side that had a forlorn employee who sat and stared into space. Having no idea what was going on, we asked forlorn employee what to do and she just told us to wait (forlorn employee is incidentally unnecessary employee number 5).
This was clearly what she was paid to do. Either that or make sure a riot doesn’t happen (which it probably could do. I would have joined by this point).
Section B crammed about 50 angry and miserable looking people into a tiny, hot waiting room. From prime position on the rock hard chairs, everyone looked at the people who would decide their fate, who were all working as slowly as humanly possible.
While waiting, we saw the “Deputy Controllers” take an incredibly long time with some people and dismiss others in a second. After half an hour our number came up. Finally we were about to see someone and actually get things in motion.
We entered the glass cubicle, thinking we’d have to go through a series of questions before the paperwork was processed. I imagined a thorough examination of my reasons for a visa extension. Questions like “why didn’t you do this first time?”, “what do you plan to do with this extra time?”, “Why do you need an extra month?” etc etc. I was hopeful that I was near the end!
How naïve. The member of staff took our forms, made three ticks with a pen and sent us out. They put our passports and papers on a chair and we were dismissed with a hand gesture. In total the guy uttered 5 words.
We were then sent back to Section C.
Time wasted so far: 2 hours 40 minutes
5. Payment Counter, Section C
By now we thought things were moving. Slowly, but moving.
At this point you’re all lined up on metal benches and watch a screen hoping your number comes up like a poor man’s lottery. The purpose was to take your payment, before getting your visa extension confirmed.
After an hour, I went up and asked at the counter “do you know when it will be us?”. They bluntly replied, “Just wait.”
Another half an hour goes by, so I went over to visit unnecessary employees 1, 2 and 3 at the Token Counter and interrupted their “exceptionally busy routine” to ask what was going on. Unnecessary employee 1 told me to “Just wait. We’ll call”, before retreating to the glazed look she had whilst waiting for someone to take a printed ticket.
Another hour went by, and by now we’ve seen everyone else’s number had been called. People who had just turned up went through quickly. So Cat heads up to the Payment Counter with a more direct approach.
Five minutes later she comes back with a look of devastation, saying “They’ve said we need to go back to Section B”...
We’d just wasted two hours sitting in a room for no reason. We’d long since lost the feeling in our bums and were quickly losing the will to live.
Time wasted so far: 4 hours 40 minutes
Elephants at Kaudulla National Park
6. Back in Section B
We were back at the position we were in two hours ago, with a huge queue again. Realising that nothing good happens to those who are polite, we walked ahead of everyone and as soon as it was vacant we went into the office we’d been in originally.
The Deputy Controller looked a bit stunned that we were still here and walked out the back. We asked why we could still see our passports on a pile on his desk.
He left the room. Through the glass we saw there was a frantic search, then a few questions were asked, fingers pointed, hands put up in defence, followed by more finger pointing and confusion all round before he came back in.
“I’m sorry sir, technical error. It’s fixed now….”
That short exchange is bureaucracy in action in South Asia.
Time wasted so far: 5 hours
7. Back at Payment Counter, Section C
So we head back to the payment counter again, the land of misery.
As soon as we came back, we’d been called out! Hurray! The end is in sight! Just pay and go we thought.
Surely we should have learned by now……
I walked up, handed my credit card over, paid a ludicrous amount of money for three ticks on a piece of paper and a sticker in my passport and thought I was done.
The cashier even had the cheek to tell me I was going too slow, and that I needed to hurry up putting my pin number in (some of the haste that would have been better used on her colleagues!).
Typical public sector, everything’s slow until it gets close to home time.
However, we weren’t done yet. There was still another bloody counter to go…..
Time wasted so far: 5 hours 10 minutes
Kandy to Ella train
8. Visa Collection Counter, Section C
Yep, the 4 people taking payments were clearly too rushed off their feet taking 8 payments an hour to be able to hand back your passport. That role went to two lucky fellows (unnecessary employees number 6 and 7). Their job was to receive the passports that were handed to them, call a number and hand them over.
Just remember that 7 people were needed to print a ticket, call a ticket, tell you to go somewhere else and then hand a passport back…
Unnecessary employees number 6 and 7 were clearly very important people as they weren’t to be overshadowed by the tv next to them showing numbers. They had a big microphone to shout numbers as loudly as possible and create possibly the most depressing game of bingo I’ve ever seen.
Everyone sat in the room thinking the same thing. We’d all paid and thought that picking up the bloody passport would take minutes. It dawned on me that not all of us were getting out alive.
Every room had been miserable, but this room seemed to be even worse than the rest. In the corner of the room, a window had been smashed and just left there – an open window on the 4th storey of this building, blasting us all with draughts of hot, humid air. I could only assume the window was smashed by some poor soul who couldn’t take the wait anymore. By now I could sympathise.
An hour later and our number was called. We leapt up and ran, acting as if there was a time limit. If we didn’t get there in time they’d make us wait longer. We signed the book, grabbed the passports, asked “Is there anything else we have to do? Please, please no”.
The guy nodded and said “done. You can go”, to which we immediately scarpered just in case they changed their minds.
After 6 and a half hours we’d finally done it. Those were six and a half hours of our lives we’re never getting back…..
Note to self: check all visa restrictions long before you even think about booking a flight!
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